Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
