the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will pee on everything he values.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
