I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
