Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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