This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
