i would punch a child for taco bell
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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