I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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