dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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