I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
