I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
