Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
