Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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