I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
