Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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