dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
