I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
