Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
