dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
