Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
