I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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