She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
