I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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