That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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