So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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