Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
