Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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