So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
