don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
