you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
