We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
