I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
