chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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