Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
