Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is Oprah even human
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
