Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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