idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
