In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
