don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
