I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
