You really coming over, don't trick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
