Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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