She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
