I'm passing your future prison.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We need to get me chipped asap
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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