i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
