just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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