woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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