All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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