thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sext me about skeletons
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
