I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
