I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
